The beginning of my college career started with a party my older brother threw at his house near campus. While hammered and walking to the party, my friend and I come accross this young lady (smoking hot and way out of my leauge). She was sitting on a porch crying her eyes out because apparently her friends informed her that her boyfriend was cheating on her. I suggests she joins us and forgets about him the rest of the night(The sound of slot machines paying off was going off in my head). We arrive at the party and she gets to the keg, I get to the liquor stash. An hour in, she is still sipping away at her beer, so I get the plan set in action. Within 30 minutes she's forgotten about the ex-boyfriend and is having a blast until some guy spit beer all over her. I take her to my brothers room to get an extra shirt and as shes changing I asked her to stop for a second so I could take in the scenery (corny but it worked). She was excited by that comment and tells me to take mine off. Within minutes the condom is on and I hear that lovely sound of heavy breathing. As shes laying on her back I realize I can't hold it any longer. I think this is the perfect opportunity to re-inact what I have seen in my collection of porn. I decide to rip the condom off to ejaculate on her chest. Instead it comes out with such pressure that I end up blowing it on her face and in her eyes. She screams "my eyes, my eyes!" then proceeds to call me an asshole and punch me in the face. It obviously caught me off guard and knocked me off the bed onto the hardwood floor. I fell right on my shoulder and dislocated the damn thing. I told the doctor who reset my arm that I fell off a porch because I was too embarassed to admit that I got beat up by a girl. I am so bad at sex.
Sounds like you're good at sex (1)
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swifty on May 13th, 2009
You didn't even get beat up by a big girl by the sounds of it. Did get both eyes?
eazye on May 14th, 2009
WOW you deserved that...who the fuck prematurely ejaculates all over the chest of a girl they've just met? You ARE an asshole!
thedude on May 14th, 2009
If memory serves me correctly it was only one eye. and for commentor 2, i dont know if thats considered premature, but I apparently would ejaculate on a girl i just met and did not plan on seeing again!!!!
swifty on May 18th, 2009
That isn't premature ejaculation. That's just surprising the girl.
anonymous on May 21st, 2009
I second eazye's comment, karma's a bitch and you are an asshole!
iamrad on June 8th, 2009
I think that if you have no intentions of seeing her again, and if she is really that big of a slut, and with an ego so small, that it would be perfectly okay to ejaculate on somebody's chest. And to the 5th commentor, if she wasn't a slut, then karma wouldn't be such a bitch towards her and got cum in her eye.