i'msobadatsex

I was on my period and my boyfriend was horny so he convinced me to do anal.  It was going alright, but needed a little lubrication, so he decided some spit would do the trick. He pulled out and went in to spit, as he did this he spread my cheaks, which in turn caused me to fart…directly in his mouth. I’m so bad at sex.

The night before my husband and I got married, my friends decided to throw me a bachelorette party. My friends decided to get us all sorts of super kinky gifts as they were aware that my husband and I were reasonably conservative and figured that we should spice it up. After some bar hopping, my fiance and I wanted to meet up for some final pre-marital loving... With the gifts from my girls in my purse, I met up with him and we decided to fool around with liquid latex and crazy smelling massage oils... Neither of us were obsurdly intoxicated, but our judgement was clouded enough to think it would be a fun experience to do massages (including the southern regions) in the jaccuzi. That went well and everything but my boy had wanted to try out the liquid latex too... (at this point we are out of the tub and standing on a wet and slippery floor covered in oil) After we were both moderately covered with it, I went down on him and some how I collapsed backwards from on my knees to elbows on the ground the the ground, slid through his legs, and hit my head on the floor. The next morning my bridesmaids swung by to collect me from his place and I had to explain the bumps and yellow looking bruises on my elbows (which sufficient amounts of make-up covered...). When I was having my hair done, the lady started combing out black slivers of an unusual substance... when she asked me what it was, I was clueless, then my maid of honour shouts out, "that must be the liquid latex that she used with her husband to be last night!" It was really humiliating. We haven't had bathroom sex or latex time since then.

I went to a party over the weekend and got a ride home from this dude because I was hammered. We had a few more drinks at my place, started making out, and after a bit, he tried to take off my pants. I explained to him that I'm on my period, so no sex. After some complaining on his part, he finally got me to try anal, mostly because I was so drunk. He eases himself in and starts going at it. It is surprisingly good, but I feel rumbles of diarrhea down south. I tell him to stop, but instead he finishes really quickly, breaking the condom just as I released my bowels. The force was so great that it was propelled into and up his urethra and into his bladder. I filled a man's bladder with liquid poo. It gave him a horrendous infection. The bladder comes out tomorrow. I'm so bad at sex.

Ah one of the ultimate fantasies: sex at work! Luckily I have a server room available for such an occasion. Fortunately, I was seeing one of the hottest women in the office, and she is quite the sex maniac. We manage to sneak into the server room and while I didn't plan on fucking her in there that day, she made a move I could not resist. Pulling up her skirt showing me sexy thong underneath, I took her subtle hint and pushed our way back to a table in the corner. As we were going at it, a metal shelf kept banging against an equally metal cabinet. We'd obviously be heard outside of the room. Nonetheless we kept on fucking and it was great. Until the part where I had to cum...I had to pull out. Normally I have good aim and timing, but today's session was so hot and incredible, I ended up splurging all over the front of my gray pants. It was a mess. She got off unscathed. Walking out of the server room, face hot and somewhat sweaty, carrying a box in front of my pants on the way to the bathroom was so embarrassing. It took over 30 minutes to "dry" off and clean my pants. Even then there was still a faint hint of white crust over the fly area. At least no one asked any questions the rest of the afternoon.  I'm so bad at sex.

My girlfriend and I were having sex and she asked me to put my finger in her ass.  We had never done this before (and never did it again), so I tried it.  After pulling it out, I realized how disgustingly filthy it was.  Not wanting to interrupt the sex to wash my hands, I pulled her close and pretended to hug her.  What I was really doing was wiping her own poo all over her back and off of my finger.  I told her about it immediately after we finished.  I laughed and she stormed out of my house, furious.

After a few months of a solid relationship, I breached the topic of anal sex with my girlfriend. To my surprise, she consented.After assuming the position (doggy) we got down to business. Being the gentleman that I am, I took things very slowly. Once it was in about an inch and she said she was ok, I figured that was it, and that I could go about my business normally. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case. As I made the first thrust she let out a yelp of pain accompanied by what can only be described as an anal death-grip on my poor willy. She had a sphincter that could snap a baseball bat. As the vice tightened on me, I panicked furiously. Putting one hand on either cheek I pushed hard whilst crying out in pain. It seemed that the harder I tried to release myself the worse it got. After several minutes or screaming at her to please please release me, I decided that calmness was the way forward. After what seemed like an eternity I managed to withdraw and tend to my blue johnson. Another couple of minutes and I'd have lost him. Fortunately, we laugh about that night now. I'm so bad at sex.

I was at a party and this guy really seemed to be into me. We were hitting it off all night and finally we tried to find a place where we could be alone, it seemed like the bathroom was our only option. He sat on the toilet seat and I began to give him head, he was saying stuff like "oh this feels so good, keep going," which I very much enjoyed hearing. Anyway, a few minutes later he lets out this enormous groan and I catch a whiff of a furious smell, the dude had just taken a shit while I was giving him head. He screamed, "boys I did it, I blumpkin'd her," this was met with cheers right outside the door. I had no idea what he was talking about and had to look it up on urban dictionary the next day. I will never perform oral sex on or near a toilet again, if murder wasn't a crime, I would have sawed off his face right there. I'm so bad at sex.

It was my first... and last time doing anal. I had this idea that anal was going to be the bee's knees, but did very little research on the subject. After a long night of drinking, I coax a young lass into a late night cuddle sesh and it turns out she's into the art of the brown-eye. So, I try slipping it in and realize that its super dry - the pressure very quickly hurts my penis. I let out a small whimper, but it was too late - her ass had already taken hold. It must have been a combination of the booze, the lack of lube and the sheer embarrassment, because I started to cry. A few minutes go by of me pretending that I wasn't crying then she says, 'This is fucked' and left. I'm so bad at sex.

I was railing, like.. railing a girl who could do the splits, and it was getting heated, I was pumping like mad and as she climaxed, she let out a fart that can only be described as "a grade 9 class warming up their trumpets" I'm so bad at sex.

Years ago I was convinced that girls had three distinct holes, one for poo, one for pee, and one where babies came out of. This just sort of remain consistent for me up until the first time I came into contact with legit female genitalia. I saw not three, but two holes. Being quick on my hooves I had to make a judgment call, what hole was this girl missing? How did I get myself into this mess? Being the curious youngster I was I decided to take a guess, I picked the wrong hole...the girl screamed "what the hell are you doing?" Thank God it was one of my less important extremities that lost its brown belt. I'm so bad at sex.